watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
