I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
