My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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