I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
