Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize