A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
