my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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