summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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