My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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