im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
