Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize