I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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