Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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