you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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