Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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