sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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