Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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