God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
either way he was missing a nipple.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
