So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
