We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
