and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
