I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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