my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
