I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
