How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
