I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize