Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
