I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
