I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
