I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
