In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize