AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
