Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize