Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
