I just pynch a tree in the face
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
