their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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