Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
