Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
