I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
