we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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