Don't make out with my wife yet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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