did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize