I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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