Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
