I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
