my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
