There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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