Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
