does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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