you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
