My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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