If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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