He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
