he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
