loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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