Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
