i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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