Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
