I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
