Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
