i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize