dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize