I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
