I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
