I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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