Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
