Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
