All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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