i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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