He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
