I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Alive.
So much puke
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
