I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
