I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry about my life...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
